Okay so I have to vent and thought this was the perfect place.
This return to work thing, it sucks. Today is day two and I am already hating it, which I knew before I started back that I would. There are several reasons I feel this way:
1. Waking my son up at 6:00 to get him ready when he just fell asleep only an hour before that just sucks
2. Only getting in a few smiles before handing him off to someone else and watching him smile at them is really hard to do
3. Going to work and having to miss feedings with my little munchkin really isn't much fun
4. Having to sit in a room with white walls, dirty carpet, and a chair that looks like it is from the 50's to pump the food that my son should be eating isn't fun
5. Only able to pump half of a bottle for my son each time I pump at work is super stressful because eventually the supply isn't going to be there
6. Going to pick my child up and seeing him growing up in someone else's arms just tears at my heart
7. Coming home and only having a few hours with him just isn't fair
8. Realizing that my soothing technique isn't working any more because he likes the daycare technique better is an arrow to my heart
9. Kissing my son's head and smelling the perfume of another women just eats at me
10. And the worst thing of all, trying to feed my child and having him pull away and fearing that this could only get worse
The sad thing is, this is only day two and I am only doing half days. What will happen when I start full days and work a full week. Maybe I will move to Canada or England where I can have 6 months to a year off for maternity.
PS: I didn't even mention that I don't have computer access to ANYTHING at work. Or that I have zero items on my to do list so it makes the day go super slow. Or that upon my return only a few seemed to even notice I was back. Or that I just don't care to work anymore.
3 comments:
I just wanted to let you know that I sympathize completely. I returned work after 6 weeks, worked 11 weeks, and then took another 6 weeks. I go back Monday. It is incredibly hard. I hope that working doesn't affect your supply. I brought pictures of my daughter to work and tried to completely focus on her when pumping. It is so uncomfortable not being with our little ones. I second your wish to move to England or Canada! I wish our country were more progressive when it comes to parental leave. Sending you support!
If you are having a difficult time with your supply, you can always try Fenugreek. It helped me a lot and I was able to keep my supply up to strictly feed my son breast milk for his first year even though the majority was coming from me pumping. The bad thing is you start to smell like maple syrup, but that is how you know that it is working.
Hmmm, I will have to try that. I just ordered the Mother's Milk tea, which I hear tastes horrible. But I am going to try it. If that doesn't work, I will move on to Fenugreek.
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