Six Weeks Already!

Tomorrow will be six weeks already.  How does the time keep creeping up on me like this?  Fountain of youth is not what is needed, no, instead we need to figure out just how to slow time or stop it all together.  I just can't believe six weeks have already come and gone. 

Something happened just the other day, something that was so unexpected.  I didn't think I could love him much more than I already did.  But I realized that the love is growing even greater.  If emotions could be seen coming out of a person, like water out of a faucet, well I would overflow the sink!  I have become much more comfortable with Nolan in the past week.  I don't feel like he is breakable anymore, as he is becoming a little chunker.  And I have gotten used to this lack of sleep thing! 

As of tomorrow, I have six weeks remaining until I have to return to work.  I am totally struggling with this, I am not going to lie.  I don't want to leave my child for 10 hours every day to return to a place that only brings me a paycheck.  It isn't going to be fun to drop my baby off with people who are not my family and have them watch him grow.  I have tried to crunch the numbers several times, but each time we end up just too short without my pay.  Sadly, I have to return.  Hopefully we can find a way soon, but I don't think it is going to be any time in the near future.  Fair, no!  Reality, for now. 

Here are some photos from the past week:

Sleepy baby!

The boys having tongue wars.

"Say what?!"

So precious.  I love those lips!

He loves getting a bath, absolutely loves it.

Poor baby had a blocked tear duct.  Our first sick visit to the doctor's office was on

Saturday, September 2.

Chillaxin' with Daddy

Another bath.... and still lovin' it!

Step 1 - Purging!

After careful consideration, I have decided it is finally time to clean out my closet.  Though I say closet, I actually mean every storage place in my house that holds my clothes.  These would include the closet, my dresser drawers (8 of them), the spare bedroom closet, and the many totes in the attic.  I seem to have a problem with letting clothes go.  I actually still have clothes from high school and I have one shirt from grade school. 

Now that I have carried two precious little boys I feel it is time to get rid of it all.  All of the clothes that just sit there.  Some sit because I just can't part with them.  Others sit because I swear one day I will fit in them again.  But I have come to a conclusion that one day I may lose the weight, but these hips are NEVER returning to pre-preggo hips.  That being said, the clothes are going. 

My plan is simple.  I am having a yard sale.  A huge, super huge, yard sale.  Since adult and teen clothing doesn't sell well at yard sales usually, I plan to run my yard sale as a stuff the bag sale.  Yep, stuff the bag with whatever you can and it is all $5.00.  After the yard sale my next step is to call the Salvation Army to have all remaining items picked up.

So for the next few weeks I will be in the purging mind frame.  This for me is going to be the most difficult because I loved so many of those clothes.  But why keep something that these hips can't fit in, right?! 

To help me get through this purging process I went on a blog hunt and found a wonderful organizing blog called Organizing Junkie.  This blog has wonderful tips from my problem, you can find them below:

Org Junkie’s Tips for Parting With Your Clothes
1.  If you haven’t worn something in a year then out it goes regardless of condition, price or size.  Why a year?  Because you cover every season in that period of time.  If you haven’t worn it during the year, you probably never will.

2.  If you have a piece of clothing that you wear but are annoyed with it every time you do, seriously stop it.

3.  If it’s waiting to be mended and it’s been waiting for a long time then enough is enough already.

4.  If you hate to iron and your ironing pile sits there totally neglected while you wear all your favorite clothing over and over again, why do you still have an ironing pile?

5.  I’m not opposed to keeping your “skinny” clothes (and I know we all do it) but for goodness sakes you don’t need to keep all of it.  Styles change, your tastes change, your body shape changes so chances are good that when you get back to that size you’re going to want new stuff anyway.

6.  If you absolutely love a shirt but never wear it because you have nothing to wear it with, well guess what, a mate isn’t going to magically appear in the night.  Follow the one year rule.

7.  Sentimental clothes that you aren’t wearing shouldn’t reside in your closet.   Either take a picture of it and preserve the memory or limit yourself to one tote of “clothes to show my kids so they can laugh their heads off at me someday”.

8.  Don’t hang onto something that is “just alright” because you don’t have something better yet to replace it.  Let it go now unless it means you go naked, that wouldn’t be right.

9.  You don’t have to do it all at once.  Like I did try it in stages and be motivated by your success.  One day you could do shirts, the next day shorts, etc..

10.  Try everything on.  This one I can’t stress enough.  Do not hold something up and say oh this is so beautiful I’m going to keep it.  That’s too easy and what you might not remember is that, although it’s beautiful, the buttons gape at the front showing off your woman parts.  Nope we don’t want that now do we.  Get rid of it.

11.  You only have the space that you do.  Jamming your clothes into the closet and fighting with them every single day to find what you need won’t make your closet grow in the night.  It will only make you grumpy…every single day.  It’s not worth it.

Sadly, I think my excuses for having all these clothes fits each of these 11 tips.  I honestly have enough clothing in several different sizes to probably open a small store.  The worst thing of all is most of it doesn't fit (either too big or too small). 

So, time to start purging.  I can't wait.  While pregnant, I only had limited numbers of shirts and pants.  It was so nice to get up and quickly comb the closet for something to wear.  There was no pushing and shoving clothes around.  That is where I plan to be with my closet in a few weeks.  And as for the spare room closet and the totes in the attic, yea they will all be gone!!!  It's going to be a lot of work, but it will be so worth it.

Over the next few days, I will be sure to post pictures of how things are going.  This is just step one of my many step plan.  Since Nolan doesn't like to sleep much during the day, I am sure he will be there somewhere in the center of all those clothes.  Maybe I can do a "Where's Nolan?" photo.  LOL!

Life is What Happens

Today marked our first sick visit to the doctors.  Nolan woke up today and his right eye was crusted shut.  When he was finally able to open it he had yellowish green puss coming out of it.  Gross right?!  Poor kid.

After researching it on the Internet (thank God for the Internet, not sure what they used to do before the Internet came out) I determined it was a blocked tear duct.  The doctor's office didn't open until 8:30a so I couldn't call until then. 

At 8:32a (yes, I was watching the clock), I called and spoke with a nurse.  She agreed it was a blocked tear duct but thought a visit would be best.  We packed up and left for the doctors (an unplanned trip so early in the morning, but we managed).  Upon arrival, we saw the doctor and she stated it was a blocked tear duct and gave us the necessary steps to take to help treat the issue. 

While at the doctors, Nolan was weighed as well.  If you remember from a previous post, he was weighing in at 8lbs 7ozs.  Well, PORKER is now weighing in at 9lbs 2ozs.  Yes, he gained 11ozs in one week!!!  I would say he is certainly getting enough to eat. 

Today's events have reminded me that you cannot plan for life, as life is not something that should be lived by plans.  I surely wouldn't have planned to have to go to the doctors today or to have Nolan have puss coming out of his eye.  No, instead, life is what happens while we are busy making the unnecessary plans. 

The Moment

Holy moly, I can't believe it.  I received an email from The Bump on Tuesday and it said "welcome to week five".  When I opened it, I initially thought that something was wrong because my baby is only one month old.  Then I stopped for a moment and thought.  I realized that it was Tuesday and that he WAS five weeks old.

How does that happen?  How does life move so fast?  This thing called time is a real bitch.  Time goes so fast when you want it to stand still, yet so slow when you want it to move.  It doesn't make much sense to me, but I suppose it doesn't need to make sense. 

So, five weeks, my child is five weeks old already.  (Well, five weeks and two days old now)  He is growing like a weed and developing his own cute ways.  Like the way he stretches or the way he smiles before going to sleep. 

Did I ever think that motherhood could be so rewarding?  No.  He is only five weeks old, yet I feel like he has done so much.  From lifting his head to rolling over at the doctor's these all brought proudness to a mother's heart. 

I found myself thinking yesterday about how scared I am about everything with him.  I am scared to put him in his room for any length of time, what if he stops breathing.  I can't take a shower without him being in the bathroom with me, what if something happens.  There are times when he is sleeping that I place my hand over his chest just to ensure it is still moving up and down.  And there are times when I look at him and think to myself "what if this is our last moment together".  Is this normal?  No, I don't think so.  I don't think a mother should question if a moment will be the last with her child.  But for me, a babylost mom, I seem to think that this is very normal. 

PTS, what does it mean?  Post Tramatic Stress.  They find that many who experience the loss of a baby also experience PTS.  Do I think I have this?  Not full force, no.  But I think that I have some of the characteristics of PTS, I think all parents who loose a child do and will always possess some of the characteristics in their daily life. 

Time. 

With it we heal.  We move on and our ways of coping change. 

Time doesn't forget, no, it just helps heal the hurt, the pain, and makes the scaryness a little less frightening. 

Time moves so fast.

Before time slips away and moments become memories, live for the moment regardless of if it is the last or not. 

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Beautiful Day

Nothing like waking up to a beautiful day.  The temperature was cool, the breeze was blowing, and the sun was rising.  While watching the news, the weatherman stated that the day was going to be wonderful.  So here I sit, planning my day.

The baby has been fed, and so has mommy.  We are definitely going to the park, but what else should we do?  I have gardening that could be done with baby in the stroller, or cleaning that needs to be done inside, but that is inside.  I want to redo my kitchen closet and make use of all of the room in there, but that requires the use of power tools.  I am not the most coordinated person, so I will leave that till Brian comes home.  I want to sit and create new items for my ETSY shop, ohhh I could do that outside.  Hmmmm... the possibilities are endless.  I think today is going to be a 100% outdoors day, which means park and weeding. 

I love being at home with my baby.  Now if only this could last forever. 

Child's Eyes

One month and two days old and little Nolan has already experienced an earthquake and a hurricane, amazing.  I am just happy that neither caused serious damage and we are able to move on with our lives quickly.

It's amazing how much you can learn in one month.  While coming out of the womb knowing nothing more than how to move and breath in there, Nolan has already learn so much.  He knows my voice and looks for me when I speak to him.  He is starting to understand that he has to hold his "binks" (pacifier) in with his hand in order for it to stay.  He likes the water when he gets a bath, something most babies hate.  And he has already rolled over!  That's what he has learned.

What I have learned is life is truly a miracle.  How something so precious and perfect can be created in a matter of nine months I just don't understand.  Why all God's creations aren't perfect and why some have broken hearts is something else I will never understand. 

To look into my child's eyes everyday is a miracle.  To have my child's eyes watching over his family is ultimately another miracle (not one I ever wanted but God needed it that way).